The Devastation After A Break Up

We think we are strong people and we will know what to do if and when a tragedy hits home but some of us simply fall apart rather than remembering that we have an inner strength to draw from.

One of the hardest things I have ever lived through is a break up of a relationship that was very important to me. This was many years ago but when I think back on it I can still remember the depression and devastation I felt. You see at the time I was truly in love with this guy.

I thought the relationship was going along fine. I did not realize that there were any problems at all. When Steve told me that he was going out with his friends I never suspected a thing. Steve and I both spent time with our friends regularly so why suspecting anything just never occurred to me.

But then I ran into Frank on a night that Steve had said he was going out with his friends. Frank and Steve were usually together so I asked Frank why he wasn’t with the other guys that night.

Frank was obviously puzzled. Although he did not blatantly lie for Steve he did say that he had simply decided to do other things on this particular night. Because this was a strange turn of events the next day I asked Steve what was going on; I wanted to know if he and Frank had had a disagreement about something.

That was all it took for Steve to tell me what was going on; it was more information than I wanted to hear. Steve told me that he had met someone else recently and had been spending time with her. I felt so betrayed! I was simply devastated and I did not know what to do; all I knew was that I wanted as far away from Steve as possible.

I went through what seems like days of crying and being depressed. I actually lost some weight. I went to bed thinking about my sadness and woke up to face yet another day of being without Steve.

But then something magical happened. A friend of mine told me to take a look in the mirror. She wanted me to acknowledge that I had let myself go. Not only had I lost weight but I had stopped being concerned about my hair or my appearance in general. This was a wake up call she said. My friend told me to take care of me and then I could worry about other things.

I took her advice and then it seems that as if by magic I was able to see things more clearly. Surprisingly Steve was soon calling me asking for forgiveness. This story has a happy ending; Steve and I got back together but only for a short time; I broke up with him soon after the make up.

I think the break up stirred something inside me that I never knew was there before. I will never forget my friend that taught me to look at myself and then to move forward. She had said that no one can love us if we do not love ourselves first! She was so right!

And that come back from total devastation not only led to the make up between Steve and me but also to a new internal strength that I have held onto for all these years. Break ups are hard and make ups can be wonderful but if you do not learn to rely on your own inner strength it is unlikely that you will find true success and happiness with yourself.

Getting Your Relationship Back On Track

Every relationship has its ups and downs. Have you ever visited a website of a relationship guru that says his or her relationship is perfect all the time? If you find one like that chances are he or she does not live in the real world.

I consider myself to be happily married and my husband and I have a strong relationship - but that does not mean that we don't get upset with one another from time to time and even treat each other will less respect than we should occasionally.

Life happens to all of us and when we are faced with unpleasant situations and circumstances we react. Unfortunately this might include being less the partner than we should be. Hopefully these times will be very short-lived and we can simply apologize and make up. After all, we want happiness in our relationship and to have that we need to be on the right track.

So how do we get back on the right track to treating our partner the way we should? Heart felt apologies really can go a long ways toward a resolution to the problem. But if the apology is not sincere or demonstrated with positive actions then the apology will have little meaning.

So begin with a real apology and then work at making things better. You might have to analyze first where and why things escalated to the point that they did. After all, it is difficult to solve a problem if you don't know what the real problem is. The key to getting back on track is finding a way to limit or eliminate the root cause of the underlying problem. If you cannot do that then you will need to work at a better way of dealing with the undesirable situation or circumstances.

Talk with your partner about the problem -he or she may be able to help you with any dilemmas that you cannot figure out for yourself. By involving your partner you will be explaining what has bothered you. This open communication is beneficial for a relationship. Your partner will be better able to understand your actions and behaviors --- this does not justify them, but having an understanding can help to alleviate some of the frustration felt by your partner.