A Break Up Can Be Devastating; How To Get Through The First Days

Your reaction to a break up is very dependent on your personality type and how strong the relationship was. For some people simply picking up the pieces of their broken heart and moving on is the answer but for others it will take a lot of work - especially if the goal is to get the ex back.

As human beings it is in our nature to love others. Living and loving is what we do. Some of us are very free with our feelings and share them quickly. For others it takes a lot to get us to open up and share ourselves.

It seems that for that group of people a break up can often be even more devastating than for most people. Perhaps you fall into that classification. I know I do.

I love people but in order for me to really let someone see the real me, the me that is on the inside, I have to have strong feelings for them. And when I decide to open up my heart to someone I feel very vulnerable.

I guess that goes back to my first love. Okay, I know now that it was only a teenage love that would never had lasted but when it ended I was totally devastated. At the time I thought I was with the person that I would spend the rest of my life with.

Funny how time changes things! Anyway, lots of boyfriends and two husbands later I know that that loss was not a loss at all.

So I guess I am giving away my age here, but I have also raised four children, which are all grown now. So obviously I have dealt with not only my own but also the heartaches of my children as they were growing up and finding their significant others.

Well, my advice may not be the traditional but it is what I have found to work. When a break up first happens you are justified in feeling badly. Whether you do the breaking up or you get the axe break ups are hard. After all, you have opened to that person and shared intimate moments.

I say it is fine to let your grief and sorrow out but only for a day or two. After that you simply must focus on the rest of your life. For one thing, you can be grateful that you are feeling sad about a break up and not a death. You see, with a break up there is always the possibility of a make up.

I am not saying that every relationship should be saved but almost every one could be saved if approached correctly. So take a couple of days, or take a few days for your grieving. Eat your favorite comfort foods and cry when you feel like it. Do what makes you feel good.

Expressing your sadness is a good thing. The bad thing is that many times friends and family members are not as helpful as they would like to be. In fact, it seems that in many cases they seem to say and do exactly the wrong things. You will need to be patient with them and realize that their intentions are good.
But after a few days you really need to get a gripe on moving forward. Start by assessing the situation and consider what you need to do in order to move forward.

I always suggest that working on you is the absolute best start no matter what the circumstances are. Get yourself in good shape both physically and mentally. Be good to yourself. Treat yourself special in some way. If you like to read then go buy yourself a good book. If you like candles and soft music then indulge in that.

Self development can be a wonderful tool at a time like this. Do some research online. Take the time to work on yourself and to thoroughly evaluate where you are in life and the relationship that ended. This will help you make rational decisions about what your next step should be.

Take The Time To Get To Know Your Partner

I know this sounds silly to stress but it really is important that you truly know your partner. Learn everything you can about him or her. This not only adds to your friendship but it puts you in a great position in lots of other ways as well.

For example, if you truly know your partner then you will understand his or her actions better. You will understand and accept the way they behave because you are in touch with their inner self.

Another advantage will be when it comes to buying your partner gifts. If you really know what matters to your partner then you won't have to wonder what would be a well appreciated gift.

Ideally you will take the time to know and understand your partner before the relationship grows and continue this learning process throughout the process. Just a thought for the day.....if you need to know your partner better then why not begin working on that right now? Dedicate at least 20 to 30 minutes today for a real conversation with your partner. Make it focused on your partner. Ask open-ended questions so you get real responses instead of a yes or no answer.

Then continue the art of conversation with your partner daily. You may find out that he or she is more interesting than you thought!

The Difficulties Of Dealing With A Break Up

Break ups are never easy. It really does not matter which side of the fence you are on - a break up forces changes in your life. And let's face it, some of us do not like changes of any kind.

That alone can make the break up difficult to accept. After all, you had things working in a sort of system or routine - you basically knew what you would be doing, where you would be doing, and who you would be with - that is, until the break up.

When you mix in the fact that you are devastated by your loss it is understandable that you are depressed and miserable. But that is not what this post is about. This post is to provide encouragement and support.

I always encourage people living through such a difficult time to allow a few days or even a week to accept and adjust to the idea of the change. I know that the sadness and feeling of loss may continue for a lot longer but you mentally need time to adjust. During this period you should allow yourself to seek refuge in a comfortable place (staying home is a popular choice) and to verbalize your feelings and even openly cry (it is healthy to vent your emotions).

But at the end of that stage you need to move forward. Start by focusing on being good to yourself and getting to know you - the person that has been hiding since during your relationship days. Get in touch with that person that has been neglected in some way and make it up to yourself.

This is a great time to read a self-development or self-improvement book. Focus on building your confidence and self-esteem. In other words, be all you can be. This makes you a stronger and more attractive person.

It is at that time that you can really begin moving into the future. If you want your ex back then you will be ready to work on that. If you want to leave the past behind you and move forward you will be a pillar of strength that is ready for a new beginning.

I always say that things happen for a reason and they turn out just the way they are supposed to. It is our job to allow the good to come to us. Be sure to sign up to receive your free report on "Building Lasting Relationships" - use the form in the sidebar. If you need help getting through a break up you should consider "The Magic Of Making Up" - that book has helped lots of people and it is going strong - watch the videos on this blog and check out the ebooks available. You will find the help you need!

Best of luck in all you do!